Hot Ticket


U2 are to perform their first ever interplanetary charity concert, on the planet Venus. The 3 hour concert, which will cost the US government an estimated $5 billion, will be beamed by satellite to Mars and relayed to planets with the correct technology throughout the galaxy.

When asked to comment lead singer Bono said: "I always wanted our music to reach marginalised societies, and I knew we had further to go - plus we're expecting to make at least ten thousand pounds for the Legalise Poverty Campaign, which has got to be good."


Temperatures on Venus reach up to 6 million degrees during daylight hours.
 



Goodbye Georgie-Girl


Georgina Taylor (28) who plays the tall one out of The Pussycat Dolls, the sulky one from Atomic Kitten and two of Girls Aloud is set to retire at the end of April.

"I just think it's run it's course," said the slim brunette. "I've been knocking about the business for nearly fourteen years now, and frankly I'm a bit bored. It's time to let someone else have a go."

Quizzed about her future career plans Georgina became mysterious "I dunno - something in catering maybe?"

It's not yet confirmed who is going to take over her position, but Connie Huq is rumoured to be "in talks".



Extinction Fears


Last week Queen were officially put on the endangered species list.

"There are only three members left in captivity, and none at all left in the wild," explained Professor Lionel Driss, Head of Pop Ecology at Rhyl University. "This measure is long overdue."

A force-breeding programme is due to be implemented in the Spring.
All the latest news and gossip from the Popblast! news and gossip desk.

Elementally, My Dear Watson


Operatic charmer Russell Watson has admitted to an overpowering romantic obsession...with rubidium.

He first became interested in the substance during a week long tour of Japan in 1983. "We did a lot of travelling, and there was nothing else to read on the tour bus but an old copy of the Periodic Table my Nan had lent me. My eyes kept returning to the Rb section. I couldn't help it - the saucy little minx!"

"Helium, cobalt, antimony...they've all got their good points," he admitted, "but they don't hold a candle to rubidium."

The element (atomic number 37) was unavailable for comment.



Lucky for Sumner


Ex-Joy Division man Bernard Sumner's request to "Stop the world we want to get off" has at long last been heeded by Macclesfield Parish Council and their local Youth Innovations Grant Scheme.

Project workers wrote to Bernard after spending 24 years building the world's tallest ladder.

"The idea is that we bury the foot of the ladder in solid concrete in Macclesfield town centre and the top end will eventually reach the moon, where robots will bury it in the wall of a crater. The tension created between the two ends will act like a simple torsion brake," said shelf stacker and Joy Division fan Dave.

"Bernard hasn't written back yet," he added.

The Project are looking for somewhere to store the ladder.




 
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