Suede Have Reformed

By Ptolemy Montacute

1990's effete indie pop darlings Suede have got back together - but only to tarmac their Bass player Mike Osman's driveway!

Mike takes up the story. "With the hot summers and heavy rains of last few winters the driveway in my privately owned council house has started to look increasingly shabby. But earlier this month when a small strip of tarmac that had previously shown signs of rippling, actually started to crack I knew something had to be done - and soon." As news of Mike's plight spread like wildfire amongst the estate, Suede's drummer Simon Gilbert heard the news and set about getting the whole band back together to help out.

So on a sunny Wednesday in May the band turned up at Mike's with a small truck full "of the Blackstuff", three shovel type spades, a "fire" barrel and hired heavy roller and set to work on the driveway.



A neighbour (who cannot be named for legal reasons) witnessed the events from his bedroom window and told us: "It was quite a scene. Five vibrant young men wearing skinny shirts slashed to the waist and very tight jeans working up a sweat in the dry heat."

But apparently not everyone was pulling their weight, as Mike explained to us; "Brett wanted to be in charge of the barbeque as he isn't that interested in tarmacking, which was fair enough, although Simon did have to rebuke him when he had eaten more than his fair share of hot dogs".

When quizzed on whether a Suede reunion could be on the cards Mike shrugged. "Well it would be nice but we are all very busy doing other projects at the moment. Me and 'Little Dicky' are currently training to be 'Meals on Wheels' delivery drivers. Simon is a Chihuahua breeder. Bernard is something of an internet entrepreneur as he has an ebay shop selling antique chisels and mallets, and of course Brett is still heavily involved in the music business".

We managed to have a quick phone interview with Brett despite his very busy schedule, and quizzed him on whether Suede would reform. "Well as you know I have continued at the very heart of the music business (I currently sell advertising space for the bi-monthly South East Keyboard Player magazine) and with those connections I have felt a real buzz within the industry for Suede's music. For instance, I have heard that the boom operator on the TV series "Life on Mars" used to be a Suede fan, and a freelance electrician who does a lot of work at Capital Gold once saw the video for "The Wild Ones" on ITV's The Chart Show and he really quite liked it. That's just a couple of examples but the list is endless. So if the industry and public wants us back then perhaps it should be made to happen."

Stop press! We have just heard that Suede have reformed to help lay roof insulation into Bernard Butlers loft.
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