H - Tears
The lord only knows what H (erstwhile of Steps) is trying to prove with this album. From where this reviewer's sitting it looks an awful lot like career suicide.
Let me explain; Tears is nothing more nor less than seven tracks of H crying. And not in a metaphorical way either. Actually crying. The tracks range from the quiet sobbing of Feeling Down on Wednesday to the unlistenable wailing and screeching of Monday Morning Realisation of the Futility of Existence. Actually, I'm pretty sure there was some gnashing of teeth in that one too.
Only slightly better than his previous work.
2/10
My First...Death Metal Album
The latest offering from the "My First..." franchise, which has had such success with its previous releases; My First...Disco Album, My First...Rock and Roll Album and My First...Jazz Fusion EP.
One can't help feeling they're scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one though. Although the under fives' market is not known for its critical faculties, surely even the dimmest toddler is going to notice that several of the tracks aren't even death metal - Theatre of Guts and Justified Vengeance, as any fool knows should be more properly classified as "Black Metal", whilst Petula Clarke's version of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush is obviously "Grindcore".
Disappointing.
5/10
Bobo the Chimp - The Urban Sunrise Trilogy
Billed on the sleeve notes as "a dazzling, mystical ride through our notions and preconceptions of what living in a modern city entails", this overpriced triple album sounds a lot to me like nearly two hours of a chimpanzee wailing and banging a metal pan on the floor. Despite intriguing track titles like "Concrete Paradise" and "Where the Trees Fruit Light", there is no actual music anywhere on this album and I found it a thoroughly tedious listen. The sole enlivening section is track 2 of disc 3, entitled "Negative Highway" where it sounds like Bobo is having a poo.
2/10
Jeremy Clarkson - Antler Boy
A rather soulful outing this, from the presenter of Top Gear cum Shoe-Gazer, Jeremy Clarkson.
The sad story of Antler Boy is told in eight songs, awash with Clarkson's trademark shimmering guitar. From the first note of Birth of Antler Boy, right through to the closing piece The Scrape of the Saw (a heart-rending number in which a despondent Antler Boy realises that the only way he'll ever gain acceptance is to remove the very things that make him special) this album is a musical and poetical feast. Bravo!
Suggestions that the work might be autobiographical have been hotly denied by Clarkson's manager. "Jeremy is extremely proud of his antlers - he'd never saw them off."
10/10
HAVEN - Earth-SHELL-Earth (riposte)
The latest episode in the long running saga of HAVEN vs Time-Out Musical Critic, Gary Hepplewhite.
The whole brouhaha began five years ago after the release of HAVEN's landmark avante-rock masterpiece Earth-SHELL-Earth. Hepplewhite printed a series of scathing attacks on what he saw as the pretension of HAVEN. Incensed, HAVEN's next release was a version of the album with all the lyrics replaced by the text from Hepplewhite's reviews, read in a really sarcastic voice. Hepplewhite then countered by printing as a review the original lyrics verbatim, with a simple footnote of "Ha Ha Ha".
This then, nearly two years later is HAVEN's riposte. A simple re-release of the original album with a note explaining that the lyrics have been, again, taken from one of Hepplewhite's reviews.
Can't wait to see what Hepplewhite does now...
8/10
Tesco Value Album
You get what you pay for I suppose. This CD album is a collection of hits from top artists. "Brilliant!" you might say, but unfortunately, due to budget restrictions, only the drum tracks for each song are actually present.
Pointless.
3/10