The Verses They Don't Want You To Hear

By Gifford Twang
It is a widely known fact that the British national anthem God Save the Queen contains a number of verses that are now regularly omitted from public performances for reasons of political expediency. A good example is the infamous verse six, which talks of crushing "rebellious Scots". However, what is much less widely realised is that many other well known songs have had verses excised from then over the years in the name of tact and diplomacy. Here we present a brief survey of some of the more astounding cases.
Happy Birthday To You

Surely, this is the jolliest and least offensive song ever written? Perhaps. But as late as 1900 people used to sing this now-forgotten second verse:

Happy Birthday to you
We're glad you're not a Jew
'Cos they killed Jesus and eat babies
And control the world's banks

This verse is now banned by the Geneva Convention and anyone caught singing it can be prosecuted.
How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?

This kiddies' favourite contains over fifty verses, most of which have now lapsed into obscurity. Some of the most startling are:

How much is that beaver in the window?
The one with the curly red hair.
How much is that beaver in the window?
That thing's driving me to despair.

and:

How much is that turkey in the window?
Please tell me how much and I'll pay.
How much is that turkey in the window?
I bet it would gobble all day.

or how about:

How much is that bison in the window?
The one with the mouthful of grass.
How much is that bison in the window?
I wanna shoot my load up its ass. ?
The Newsnight theme

Originally, the theme tune to BBC 2's flagship news and current affairs programme had lyrics (mp3s of the original recording featuring vocals by Jeremy Paxman can be found on some filesharing networks). But BBC bosses were quick to pull the plug on this version of the theme, fearing it created too intimidating an atmosphere for potential interviewees:

It's Newsnight, Newsnight,
With Me, I'm Jeremy,
It's Newsnight, You can't hide,
I see right into your soul,
And the truth, it will be told,
The little politician ain't so bold,
On Newsnight, Tonight!
One Potato, Two Potato

Not so much an extra verse as an extra line, and one that it's all too easy to see why it was censored:

One Potato, Two Potato
Three Potato, Four!
Five Potato, Six Potato!
Seven Potato, More!
Kill prostitutes.
WINDYPOPS SAYS: Can't see what's wrong with them, personally.
Back to Index