Dolly Diplodocus at Barnsley Hippodrome
For two and half hours Dolly treated us to the very best in mellow synth jazz, her huge front legs tapping away nimbly at the keys of her vintage Moog, her smoky reptilian vocals drifting across the auditorium like a mating call from some far off Cretaceous swamp. She sang to us about the joy of eating ferns and wallowing waist-deep in the warm lakes of Pangaea. A moving and heartlifting experience, marred only by the heckling of a pair of young Allosauruses in the front row. However, a deft flick of Dolly's forty foot long tail swept them clean out of the auditorium and into the street, a feat of crowd control which brought a standing ovation from the audience.

Cassie October - Sunderland Beaniedrome
Queen of country kitsch Cassie opened the set with a new song called "You Fucking Piece of Shit Douchebag" and dedicated it to her "soon-to-be-ex-husband". However, she hadn't reckoned on him actually being present at the gig. Carl October immediately staggered onstage, obviously drunk and began waving a broken bottle around. "I'm gonna cut you up real good, you two timing hussy," he slurred. "No one makes a fool of Carl J. October III. No sir." He jabbed the bottle towards her but then there was a sound like a whip cracking and he was jerked backwards offstage. The crowd gasped as Dolly Diplodocus appeared from the wings holding Carl aloft by his ankle, where he dangled, swearing and threatening like a foulmouthed fish on a hook. Dolly then joined Cassie for a duet, "The Scales Have Fallen From My Eyes" and brought the house down.