On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me..."I'm just off down the shops, can I get you owt while I'm there?" to which I replied, "Hmm, yes I'll have a dozen freshly baked Christmas pop facts - oh and by the way, we're nearly out of milk."
Jon Bon Jovi does his bit for the needy each Christmas by dipping his hair in icing sugar and letting homeless people suck it clean.
The fastest-selling Christmas single of all time was Christmas Tree For You and Me by Peter, Paul & Mary. It sold only one copy, but someone bought it incredibly quickly, dashing to the cashdesk in the record shop and handing over their money in less than seven seconds.
Elton John's Christmas stocking was specially constructed by Armstrong Whitchurch & Co shipbuilders of Newcastle. It is four hundred and twenty feet long and contains enough space for a staggering nine million presents!
Madonna refuses to eat turkey on Christmas day, citing animal cruelty. Instead her and hubby Frank Butcher tuck into a roast dolphin. When they've eaten most of the meat, Madonna dons the greasy skin and parades around the local village shouting "I can do what the fuck I want, I'm MADONNA!". Apparently it's become quite a tradition in Chesney-on-the-Wold.
Trent Reznor once spent a day as a Christmas tree in a Pittsburgh mall. For eleven hours he stood motionless and let children suspend ornaments and tinsel from him until he collapsed from exhaustion. Reznor later claimed he found the experience 'cleansing'.
Metal shockers Darth Midget don't use Christmas crackers. They simply take one end of a squirrel each and tug until its guts spill out. At which point they laugh and wear the entrails as HATS. Or so says publicist, Shayne Pendulum. In actual fact, they do use Christmas crackers, but they remove the bangs and won't wear the paper hats because they think it makes them look silly.
It is a little known fact, but during the Cold War the Russians were working on a secret plan to ruin Christmas for the West. Foil wrapped tangerines would have been replaced in every Christmas stocking by foil wrapped lemons, disillusioning children all over the world with their lip-pursing sourness. Luckily in the end they couldn't be bothered. [How is that a pop fact? Ed.]
Goth supreme David Muji of The Lighthouse Twins is hoping not to get the present he's asked for this year! In his letter to Father Christmas he asked for a time machine but then, after watching the 1960 George Pal film The Time Machine, he had a sudden change of heart. "I thought travelling to the future might be a jape," he said. "But it appears to be overrun by cannibalistic fellows called Morlocks and seems to me entirely disagreeable."
The Pet Shop Boys celebrate what must be the most ironic Christmas in pop. Instead of eating turkey and giving presents on December 25th, they drive to the seaside in mid-July and lounge about on a beach! And instead of calling it 'Christmas', they call it 'going on our summer holidays'. Weirdos!
Alanis Morrisette doesn't believe in Father Christmas. She thinks all presents come from a giant reptile with two heads and fluorescent teeth, known simply as ‘Reg‘.
Robbie Williams has to hire a special warehouse every year, simply to store all the Christmas gifts he gets from fans. Some of the stranger things he has received include; a jewelled hacksaw, a waistcoat made of cake and a Shetland pony. Every Boxing Day at noon sharp he invites children from the local orphanage round, makes a huge pile of the gifts, douses it in petrol and sets fire to them. "You should have heard that pony whinny!" he laughs.
Diana Ross once pissed on a christmas pudding in desperation when the toilets in Oxford Street were closed.
WINDYPOPS SAYS: I still believe in Father Christmas, but Father Christmas no longer believes in me...