Hugh Cornwell - Tractorman
Simple and heartfelt collection of songs detailing the ex-Stranglers frontman's love for all types of tractor. Me & Massey Ferguson tells the haunting story of a young boy finding a bag of heroin under the seat of his father's tractor and then driving it through a poultry market, zonked off his face. 7/10
Theme From Quantum Leap - HRH Prince Harry
Nothing more nor less than 45 seconds of the royal sprog humming random notes as he tries desperately to remember exactly how the theme tune to this popular 80's sci-fi serial actually went. Whichever bright spark at Granola Records had the idea of releasing this drivel ought to be dismembered. 1/10
Alicia Shackleton - Fool's Fool's Gold (i.e. Real Gold)
The title says it all. Once more bob-faced chanteuse Shackleton finds the most infuriatingly roundabout way of saying not very clever things. Take her ode to morning lovemaking Our Passionate Night (Except It Was Light And The Birds Were Singing). I mean, what's wrong with just calling it Our Passionate Morning? I'm all for a bit of poetic imagery but you start to suspect she's taking the piss - especially on the album closer, a cover of the Dolly Parton classic I Will Always The Opposite of Hate You. 3/10
Album reviews by L. Cash, G. Twang and G. Chaucer.
Office Noises II
One might be forgiven for assuming that people who spend all day in an office would like nothing better than to put all thoughts of it to one side as soon as they get throught the front door. Strangely, however, this appears not to be the case. Office Noises 1 was last years' surprise hit, with album sales reaching over 10,000,000 and Office Noises 2 looks set to repeat that.
Windypops finds it depressing to imagine that an ambient record filled with annoying clicking and tapping, with the occasional shriek of "Sheila, have you had my stapler again?" can appeal to anyone. Unfortunately, record sales and the testimonials on the back cover tell a different tale: Susan Dahmer, Essex; "I like to unwind in the bath with a nice glass of chardonnay and 'Fax Error: Resend?'", "My absolute fav is 'Miscellaneous Bitching'", Laura Sutcliffe, Hull and "I work in a busy office in Plumstead. Listening to 'Office Noises 1' on my walkman helps me get through the day", Godfrey Manson, Woolwich. Has the world gone mad? 2/10
The Wings of Avalon - 20 Heavy Metal Classics
So longe mot ye playe, ye likerous minstrels, the yers droppeth away and sounde be not constreyned by maistre, beteth the Wynges and liken a dog scritcheth at the chirche door. And gladly wolde I herde ful that a boxset of b-sides and out-takkes is gan due the coming Sumer. 10/10!
Lionel Richie - Exploring Foam
Concept albums have never been easy to bring off, and the subject matter of this one does not appear promising at first glance. Surprisingly though, "Exploring Foam" is a delight from start to finish. From the opening notes of the upbeat "Foam Rubber", through the deeply disturbing "Foaming at the Mouth", right up to the elegaic, twelve minute long, closing instrumental "Styrofoam", this album is a triumph! Looks like Richie has done it again! 10/10